My Kenya! All Things!

584421857.jpg

This is Nairobi.

Where Kenyans of all shades, colour, race, tribe and economic means converge to oil the wheel of economic development.

You can see what you imagined as absent in Africa.

In our lives, each day, we ought to learn and embrace something new.

There are things said about African people yet not true. A lot is left out of conversations about Africa.

But let’s educate the ignorant.

African people, born bred educated and working in Kenya ride to work. They work in offices. They read newspapers. Attend school and college even have world-class universities.

I  know you’re  mouthing, “your sh..matatus!”

Hey those touts cheer the gloom out of bad days, seducing you to enter their pimped up blaring clubs on wheels. They’re sweating for a decent coin,  hammering hours away, working, earning and running multi-million enterprises!

I intend to share to a much ignorant western world and the myopic American  world, pictures from the insides of Kenya.

That Africa is not a shithole.

The word sounds terrible when translated into our mother tongues or Kiswahili.

There is only one genius. God. He made sure every living creation benefits a shithole to cleanse their system or die eating.

Could you survive without yours?

My Africa is “All Things” and I’ll stick to Kenya my country, the one you do not know nor see, or even want to find out about. If you stay in the dark we’ll drag you out into our 24/7 sunlit world.

We’re excellent, but like all other human beings, we suffer inadequacies too.

While the West knows how to hide it’s poverty well, through it’s welfare system, provision of shelters for the homeless and food stamps for the starving masses, I guess we don’t know how to pretend, it is well, until further notice. The west does well to cushion and hide the poor’ s indignity. That doesn’t mean its minus a poor population.

As for us, we’re yet to figure out how best not to cut off the communal lifeline.We totter on this one, I agree.

But a whole lot are doing well.

Let’s look at progress made. It’s a side less heard off

  1. Wealth

Africans are wealthy! A man owns a 1000 beef cattle. Each worth $500. Is he poor or wealthy? By the west standards, he is poor because he’s ‘homeless,’ roams and sleeps under trees, looking for pasture clad in a red shuka and milers. Brace yourself, the nomad owns wealth worth $500000!

It’s his way of life. Open spaces. You cant confine him.

smaller-pool-of-two

But if we seek for the West parameters of wealth, then the above picture suffices.

You can with ease find the scene above in the backyard of an African home.Yes we know how to swim. Practice starts young inside our rivers, dams  and famous Lake Sango. We have fixed this ‘home ponds’ to dip in during the hot tropical heat. So yes we swim and own swimming pools behind our fences.

filename-new-2room-cottage.jpg

2. Housing

It’s a firm belief in the west, we live on trees and in the jungle. Or tin shacks or mud houses. Yes we do have those for economic and cultural reasons. But such as the above pictured house are provided  to million residents by government and owned from the earnings of  hardworking Kenyans.

Indeed African families live in stone houses, whether in cities, villages or towns.We scatter the below themed buildings in our rural ancestral places. That way, we enjoy both worlds.

Some compounds even have driveways and double garage parks!

img-20180103-095116-largejpg

Awesome homely places are built by African hands. Plenty of  hideaways deep in the village, far from the buzz of the fast city.

comfort-gardens-sweetwaters

3. Beds and Bedding

It’s said poverty is measured by how many people in a household sleep on a bed. Africans in Kenya own and sleep in resplendent bedrooms.

How many own such? you ask?

Majority do. Talk to a sample house helps and make your own conclusion on the mind boggling statistics.

If you didn’t know, Kenyan women have a knack for ‘merry-go-rounds’ where they deliver to each member, bedroom sets, gleaned from glossy magazine like “Drum” and “True Love.”

Join a ‘chama’ and wait your turn.

By the way my grandmother before passing on, insisted on stretching her body down on the flat floor next to her bed.

“It straightens the back and ends back pain.” So her being on the floor is for the good of keeping an ageless back.

Mmh. Something new I learn.

shepherds-huts-at-one

Here comes the shithole!

Our houses have real shitholes. I have a brother who really hates them.

He doesn’t find pleasure in sharing his naked privacy. He can’t understand how he can sh… inside the house he lives in!

Or sit on the one in his office, or worse still he can’t sit where women have sat.

Hehehe

He regards adult potties as shallow ceramic basins, too delicate a seat to be shared with women.

Culture issues!

So he built his pee-hole outside. I think many are of his opinion.

fairmont-mount-kenya-2

4. Furnishings

Walk into Kenyan homes and you’ll fund the living rooms suffer a heavy heap of all pictured amenities in weights, lengths and sizes.

It’s  a silent compulsion to own the best visitors’ chairs or sofas, even if you have to fundraise from family of join a SACCO or hire purchase.

Even university students these days own them.

Whoooah!

I hear they do work study these days. In our days work study was a sign of manhandling rare degree holders. But then I think they should have. It’d have saved me thousands.

fairmont-mount-kenya-1.jpg

5. Roads

Besides dirt road and highways, where our runners like to jog, we have lovely places to walk and jump and kick and roll.

sunset

Sucking in serenity and meet a seductive sunset we all want to disappear into.

Jungle Warriors

our-room-tent-right-on.jpg

And then we have these visitors. They’re so welcome and live like this in parts of our so called jungle. We call such places Nature Trails or natural forests. Places adept at fighting climate change. Don’t you tell me you don’t believe the crap that is climate change.

Well, God doesn’t lie. He said all these things will pass away. Hmm.

a-guests-tent-set-up.jpg

To ensure our visitors are safe, we venture into these “left alone places.”

And the whole village shakes heads, and feels guilty when they encounter visiting campers.

“Why don’t they want to come inside?”

The old grey haired men try hard to understand how it feels to live in a jungle and in trees.

The rest of the village nods furiously. They have failed to wrap wisdom around this strange behaviour.

“Get them inside a house ” barks the village elders whistling and glaring.

Africans don’t use curse words they let out a long whistle of inquiry to show displeasure or pull back lips, bare teeth for ages, waiting for an answer. If none is forthcoming they close mouth, whistle and strut away.

 

harmless-snake

They’ll keep repeating this, when they don’t understand how one sane father can do the above act to their own flesh and blood.

Reptiles are associated with reptilian people. Those night witches and wizards.

Why on earth would a father introduce his own son to such a hazardous occupation?

With no answers, the African just walks away or clubs the spaghetti thing to death and buries it below the earth.

He asks for help to roll a huge boulder onto the fresh mound. No escape for reptilians to cause havoc in the village.

End of story.

6. Food

27292540_1892730640747971_2124368319_n.jpg

 

Grub is our life. Plenty is found within the borders of our African homes. The healthy type of food you know. Food that carries half a dozen types of vitamins and omega, proteins and carbohydrates.

The food serves for breakfast or lunch or supper. Just get them bellies full. The sun and days’s toils will suck out all the energy by evening.

These food types won’t cause obesity or diabetes or bring on heart issues. It’s a qualified healthy and complete meal in one.

“Food shouldn’t be measured to children, let them eat”  Grandma would often say.

Sweet potatoes and groundnut soup; always my favorite, a bowlful laden with bean soup. On good days, it’d be accompanied with dry fish or chicken.

After a food binge, it weighed heavily in the belly until you ran to the nearest relief joint and come back to continue.

But that’s not where we stop. I told you my Kenya in Africa is ‘All things.’

our-food

This dish is a compulsory appearance in our Kenyan homes.

But heck forget the knife and fork and spoon. It’s done very well, like Zuckerberg did with just one hand.

images

Three cheers for Zuckerberg!

photo3jpg

None of this fried stuff came by plane. A walk around the family yard and a home fridge yields meals of this brand every morning. Sundays thrive on this type of  fatteners. Not my cup of tea or not with a cup of tea for me.

img-20171230-132815-largejpg.jpg

Other servings like the fingerlicking display above are found deep in rural Kenya, not Nairobi’s JAVA or Kentucky Fried Chicken.

photo1jpg

The flavour improves when served on our traditional plates. You like it?

7. Sports

We are known for winning world-class marathons and elite running on the world stages but hey

polo-sport

We play polo too!

8. Recreation

Life is not all poverty, struggling slum dwellers and death diseases. We do go on tours and hiking excursions. All creation needs a little time away to connect to nature. Though nature is plentiful around us, we don’t take it for granted. We appreciate it. Wangari Maathai hugged trees. We talk to plants and animals and give thanks to God for rain and pay keen attention to our land and the weather.

We are purposeful to visit and appreciate nature for playing its role in the ecology chain.

Find it.

walking-towards-the-wtaerfalls

We do it in style not swinging up trees houses or running in the wild nude like others imagine.

img-20170706-091944-largejpg

I was here. I conquered all my fears.

samburu-village

9. Entertainment

Singing, dancing ululating is part of our evening entertainment after a hard day’s toil. We  hum, young men compete on strength display. Some are courtship dances, Some are birth or harvest celebrations songs. Some intended to lift the mood or warrior songs to  to appeal to the spirit of bravery. It’s even done for folk song vocal practice and cultural festival performances. Its not all we do, daily.

And God has remained faithful.

How deep else can He express it, than this double arched rainbows over Nanyuki town.

maiyan

That He is watching over his people in Kenya.

10. Wildlife

Sorry I didn’t leave you with pics of the famous Big Five.

I know you have plenty of that. Every time I google ‘African pics’ pages and pages fill up with animals in the wild or parks or zoos. Boy! (Eye roll!)

Well it’s  a long journey away in the parks. Looking for them takes time. So I’ll leave you with a rare bird that cries like a miserable baby.

fairmont-mount-kenya

The Peacock! It’s the male that carries that beauty umbrella.

Enjoy Kenya. My All Things.

Sex Predators in Church!

3429023.jpgChisos!

Bella didn’t believe the story unfolding before her very eyes.

This was her Pastor!

Chisos!

She looked again at her phone. The WhatsApp message clicked the phone tongue alert. Her eyes mesmerized at the beautiful bedroom pictures. Red roses were strewn on the burgundy and white satin bedsheets.

Lacy whites woven into heart shapes adorned the four huge comfy pillow.

To all intents and purposes, the bed spoke and smelt an invitation. A romanctic invite.The atmosphere in the picture worked on the receiver’s moods thoughts and feelings.

Something clicked.

Wow! Who was this?

So romantic.

All the redness of the scene revived her dull mind.

It was Valentines Day!

I’ll come back to this topic in a while…

Stay grounded.

There is the devil.

And there is man.

There is a man whom the devil has entered.

And woe unto you that such a man be your Spiritual minister.

A repository for evil.

On one hand I live my life out as Human Rights Defender of Crusader if you like. And on the foremost run I am a born again Christian.

So the wheel meets rubber in the above scenes when it comes to my attention.

Shall I close my mind and forgive 70 x 7 or whip out my scrawled placard and march the streets declaring the arrest of sex pests in Church?

I leave the matter to your conclusion. Here not even the cliche of ‘Give to Ceaser what belongs to Ceaser’ applies.

So I’ll leave it here. lnformation is a solution tool.

7306189

Because of the high profiles of such leaders,the church is steeped in silence.

Naivety?

I don’t know, but seems church people are pretty trusting. I am not. For the Bible tells me so.

“Woe unto you that puts trust in man.”

Kinda like church threw in, the towel.

“These types we will always have in our midst.”

And so like hawks they wait.

Winning your trust by charm, authority and a feigned “great” personality.

164367647

For the opportune time they await.

 

83817254

In their darkened souls they’re like hunters on the prowl.

Stopping by studying your steps, your emotional needs, showing concern.

183404326

In no time they draw near in control of prey and swoop on the unsuspeting.

214654927214654951

In full flight mode. Prey in the mouth.

And do we care about the victims?

Who’d counsel them?

Are even the little ones safe from these predators?

Well this article is about power of information. How we can prevent our loved ones from such harm.

If you know what you need to know then you are better equipped.

Church Sex Predators are doing this ten things:

1. Subtle Porno

2. Clicking Away

3. Make recordings

4. Visiting Porn Sites

5. Hugging peoples spouses

6. Encouraging skimpy wear

7. Making impropt Solo visits

8. Direct requests for dates

9 Scheming churchtrips

10. Debts and connectivity

 

204059866

The desperate and hurting are seeking for God. A place to hide from the world’s hurt and yet walk right into carnal minds?

The WORD of God in Church,should be used to comfort counsel encourage rebuke even but offer much needed sanctuary for all.

Male plus female.

3707119

But teachers of the WORD are busy with other things.

SMH. NKT.

I am coming back to this for it leaves much distate in my mouth, I can’t go on.

The Days of Our Mothers!

Mmmh chapoz!

It’s rare to talk about Kenyan mamas without the subject of their prowess in the Kitchen.

So today we are on about mothers and Chapatis.

We waited with and minus patience at the outcome of the chapati promise.

Such days they were…

 

27046443_1834855526806204_1533220402_o.jpg

When the much anticipated chapo were laid out before eager lads and lasses.

It was a mini Sunday festival.

The boys scoured the estate courtyards.

Who’s family was making chapos tonight? 

The giddy wafts of rising aroma filled smoke made it easy to stalk the Destiny household.

The process and procedure started much earlier even planned a week or the month before.

“Next week we need to make some chapos for the children ”

Mother spoke to whoever was within ear reach.

Most of the time she’d be speaking to the kitchen walls. And when the walls talked to us children, the dancing for chapo day would start until they arrived on a platter one Sunday or Saturday evening.

The ritual started by Ex flour arriving home on the counters attached to the walls. Extra tins of oil. If yellow, yes.

“Chapoz drink oil than other dishes.”

And the kneading started.Combining salt, white or brown flour, oil and hot water

chapatis-.jpg

The pulping of  dough.

chapati-dough-balls

The ball counting…

A commitment to how many each eater would have.

If the count went down. New flour would be kneaded. Mothers knew best. They even considered saving extras for breakfast. Slip a quarter in the last born’s school pocket.

A posh snack.

And then came the energetic part.

oil-chapati-roll-the-chapati

The roll-out and oiling of entire circumference. The sight helped remember maths topics.

roll-the-chapati-2.jpgcoiled-dough-ball

And the stretching and coiling.

“If you want more softer layers, this is a must.” Declared mother wrapping stretchy dough round her fingers.

138198971

We counted with the eyes at the stack.Imagine how many we’d have to ourselves.

A privilege to have full two rounded one’s.

105989378

Next to a bowl of vegetable stew.

The standard serving.

196448305.jpg

Or chicken stew.

My favourite and a cost higher.This happened at Christmas. I tell you.

126634259.jpg

The combination led your toungue to heavenly realms.

Chapos were feasted upon at dusk and as evening descended on the day’s light.

The longevity of cooking aroma messing all plans.

Even then visitors didn’t quit stopping by.

Evenings didn’t stop or limit the number of visitors dying to pinch one chapati into quotas.

207888580

Or dip a pinched quarter into the

122833253.jpg

inviting dengu stew sometimes bean stew.

The love for chapos have now led to improvised snacks like Rolex

219333961.jpg

The wrapping of a vegetable filled omelette inside a chapo.

180225277.jpg

Oh heavenly!

So these days mother’s are turning this unique diet into a business and new younger mothers are not learning anything on the patience of making chapos.

They churn out burn plasma like shapes.

If you have no time, dive into those smoky kiosks in the city.You might bump into the real thing. Making chapo is an art and takes lots of love and patience which only mothers could have for a family of 12 sons and daughter seated waiting to drown in the bliss of chapos on their tongues.

177774547.jpg

No taste beats that of soft layered crunchy chapati in your mouth.

School visits were not complete if chapos did not accompany the visiting.

This is how much chapos were missed when the children left home for boarding schools.

Appearing armed with a dozen  chapos vindicated parents from parental neglect.

Fresh or lasting 3 days to a week. Chapos sneaked at meal times proved you had a visit from home, and mothers’ thoughts were with you.

It’s said chapoz arrived in Kenya via Indian rail workers.They called them chuppatti.

But trust Kenyans to take up things by storm and Kenyanize it.

And so today it’s a hallowed Kenyan dish called Chapoz!

How Women Empowerment has disorganized the Family and Society at large

It took strenuous conviction to write this post.

Many know me as an ardent Feminist. I believe the much maligned Feminism is purely pursuit for social justice.

What is wrong with that?

So I tried to write this post how a disgruntled man would feel or see the threat of Feminism.199228264.jpg

#TheBoyChild is now an endangered species, thanks to the rise of women empowerment.

Sole square blame is attributed to the emergence of feminism scaling up the ranks of women in society.

The old families were content to have their daughters and mothers stay at home to bear children, shuffle trips into dense forests foraging for fuel wood, lunge uphill pots on heads or backs and run minor family errands within the confines of the societies they lived in.

29772482.jpg

All the while society eyes were trained on them, measuring performances, keeping them in their place, allocating star rating for the most ardent so and so’s wife.

Now women want out.

Fast forward to late 80’s and much of 90’s, the women liberation movement peaked in the millennium age. #TheGilrChild picks up.

All Millennium Development Goals 2000 aimed at reaping maximum benefits for the woman and her daughter.

166159928

They must go to school, must own land property, have less babies, spend time away from home but in class or working, earning. They should line up on the inheritance chain and be given priority in allocation of resources.

68118574

She must have it all.

If nation or society resists, affirmative action should step in and ensure “she” accesses everything out of her reach.

 

27126188

Fingers pointed at male -scheming to keep ‘her’ out of the goodies pot. Everything must be done to turn things around in her favour. And so that has been the song since the launch of Beijing Declaration and Platform of Action in 1995.

The blueprint was a mother daughter affair; the boy out of the picture.

14759780.jpg

Did family lose or gain at the ascension of the woman in society?

145826195

Betty Friedan the early female suffragist in the 60’s challenged traditional notions, which held women could only find fulfillment as wives and mothers.

What do we see now?

Increase in Violence

As women fought for freedom to move out of home confines and find work outside the home, men lashed back, often with violence. To show wives the upper side of who was the ‘man” the strongest. Cases of marital violence rose in homes leaving families prone and susceptible to breaking up.

Broken homes equal broken societies.

Divorce and Separation

173238515

The safe family space was shattered and so began its disintegration. The pace continues to date with alarming figures of divorce rates, separated families, dysfunctional and blended families clutching at survival.

Rise of Single headed households

 

124791350

We have a new social construction taking place. The rise of single headed households has tripled the last three decades and today in Kenya, the numbers stand at 21%. Majority led by working mothers. They claim the job/ career is their first and foremost husband. It provides for the family, after all. Men as family heads have been cut off.

Of teaching family values

The role of a wife diminished while that of a mother has become a delicate balance juggling between home and work spaces. When a mother is away from home and family lacks a father what happens to the children? What values are passed onto the children? And who passes on these values?

124791395

What’s the children’s future view of a family unit? Absence of parental love is no mean feat to deal with for young children or thereafter.

Are we bringing up children in error? Who will teach them family values or cultural convocations?

Men shirking Responsibilities

The push and determination by women to prove they can provide material needs of family, have led to men shirking responsibilities. Men’s incomes are no longer planned around family. It’s estimated of family incomes, 90% of a mother‘s earnings benefits family while only 30% of a man’s directly benefits family.

Where does the 70% go?

The boy child lagging behind

As the scriptures puts “Let older women teach the younger women.” Who will teach the boy lagging behind, if minus his father?

4777793.jpg

From the days of our forefathers boys spent time out with men and fellow male age groups to learn community values.

8068303.jpg

They learnt do and don’ts of society; they learnt to go out and hunt, to provide for family. Is it any wonder present young men can’t handle family responsibility? The new family set up doesn’t allow for it to happen.

Today an only son living with a female nanny for second company is likely to interact with saloonists and mall tellers than older men. God didn’t intend it that way. There are things men learn and do from men and there are things women learn and do from women

Even the mundane like giving out a bunch of flowers.

201106117

A woman who sees her son or daughter go astray will no doubt feel unhappy, the dollars earned at work notwithstanding. So is the society full of angry depressed women?

When carers of society are troubled, the whole society is troubled.

Too much empowerment

It’s said a much empowered woman intimidates men. They don’t feel adequate and sure or secure around her. Could this be why many are turning onto their heels from proposing marriage and resorting to heavy drinking and the scandalous caught mounting beasts?

Did empowerment kill the family?

Matriarchy

We live in a patriachical society, where women feature on the lower ranks. They can’t go to war or be killed in war. They are bearers of children and look after family while men protect society. But when you see them clad in military fatigues and give orders as  Commander in Chief, then know a family coup has taken place and matriarchy has arrived in full swing.

Is that the right order of society?

Feminine Males

Are the males brought up by women singly turning out to be more feminine in outlook speech and thought patterns? We need a bit of more research.

166910003

We all want our sons to have six pack ripples and deep voices. Just so we can separate them from their sisters. If they twist their hairs and put on blonde weaves, in competition with their mothers, I am left shaking my head at the family remnants.

Family Resources

The new competition for family resources (Girls want a cut of the family wealth) has left distaste in sons and other members of family, there’s ongoing scheming, fights and killings to the detriment of the once stable family organ, where everyone knew and kept their place.

Conclusion

Would you say Beijing reorganized or disorganized families?

In the process of uplifting women did we upstage the family unit? Giving women equal rights to vote like their male counterparts has turned detrimental to family? While lives have really become better for women as they join politics, the military, public office, even run for presidency.

12055433

Has the family suffered a toll?

Many single young women unable to juggle both worlds of work, wifely duties and motherhood have sidestepped marriage altogether and chosen single lives. But while nature endures, children have resulted out of one night stands. Working mothers go out to quell the natural desires of both men and women.  A fatigued mother in a home with an absent father cannot have it easy steering the family train to success.

And men are piling the guilt on women choosing the career field than their families first. It is said frustrated and abandoned men die earlier than their female counterparts, because men don’t handle stress well

To be a housewife is considered backtracking on our gains. Choosing careers instead has impacted negatively onto family. It has been a forty year journey culminating in current anti women attacks.

So Beijing deconstructed our social pillar- The family!

And you can be sure women empowerment is not toppling off the local and global Agenda soon.

 

 

Discover Working Online

For those out there.

166158092

And if there be any mothers struggling to provide for family, a place to look.

After the last end of contract notice, much time is wasted mourning the death of a job and what to do next. College degrees and skills gained the past 5, 10 20 or 30 years don’t seem to offer a solution. People faced with this situation get stuck and in no time sink into depression.

83481563

It does not have to be that way.

Exposure to limitless opportunities online will yield fields where expertise gained over working years is much sought. While many have discovered this pot of gold, thousands of others fumble complaining of the state’s inability to guarantee employment to its citizens.

The world out here has become a remote village. Right here in Kenya it’s said 40000 men and women are fully engaged online making a living.

Working from the seats of their homes, their earnings astound even bank managers.

Listening to their tales, most say they found themselves jobless, on streets, penniless and with no hope. But they talk exuding confidence of a Master at work. They know so many things about the world revolving around online work it dazes. Not to mention mind-boggling figures earned. Sometimes it sounds outright unbelievable; listeners think it’s a con game.

But it’s not, and yes it is believable.

Desperation has a way of pushing one to try what they haven’t tried before and emerge with baffling success. You too can get out of your pity party and start hunting work online.

What is Online Working?

2878251

In other semantics it’s known as remote work or telecommuting or virtual work. It means the work is all done on the internet and submitted in same manner in return for pay.

Workers in this field are known as freelancers.

The work is known as remote work because you work from remote locations anywhere on the globe. The world is looking to hire quality workers at a fraction fee. But that fee means muchness in your pocket.

Such beauty of internet discovery!

To do this type of work, one needs invest in a good reliable computer and uninterrupted internet.It’s said a smartphone or tablet can as well do some of these tasks.

205601821

 

The time zones around the world are not the same and so when a client needs work done, they should find a freelancer when they need to.

Working online in Kenya is no new thing but a fad fast catching on. Hundreds have been doing it as early as year 2000.

Where to find online work

There are job boards that advertise work you can apply for. Freelance sites like Upwork.com, Freelancer.com, iWriter, Flexijobs, Guru, PeoplePerHour and a myriad others offer work in different categories.

When a freelancer signs up to become a member of a site, they gain access to advertised posts where bidding takes place with hundreds others.

It may not be smooth sailing at first, but persistence yields results in the end. And a job well done is evidently rewarded with more work.

Not to mention, even genuine sites have con artists known as scammers. Finding a support group to help navigate through this maze of remote working is definitely handy and encouraged for newbies.

Few manage on their own but it’s not a route to want when bills are staring and children waiting to be fed. Training by those who have crossed the waters has immense benefits in your start job. Invest as little as 1000 shillings for such trainings.

Types of Work found online.

If you’re bilingual, having studied second and third languages in high school and college, you can search for translation jobs. If you are a typist or fast on the keyboard with good communication skills you can opt for Transcription work, it means listening and converting audios into typed text.

131296283.jpg

Hobbies and part time passions such as travelling fashion, interior decoration and gardening can turn into income earners in no time.

The best paid guys are the software engineers and graphic designers. The web nerds get techy and mint all the money. But to kick out depression go for what can be done steadily till things settle down.

Did you know as a tarmacking English language graduate one can teach English online?

143778

Penning articles is a source of income online. Articles are written for various magazines, websites and blogs.

Editing articles and proofreading documents is something to try. Typists are sought for purposes of typing documents for submission. And there is academic writing too.

I am not an avid fan of that. I believe personal academic merits should be earned by individuals so I won’t go into that.

199933765.jpg

Online shops are a new thriving venture that can be tapped to sell products and services in demand. Marketing skills can command a viable source of income through marketing products and earning commissions.

Interesting videos can be made and sold online. Virtual Assistants get work helping a client with online research work, prepare it and submit in return for pay.

Professionals like nutritionists, veterinarians or health practitioners can answer questions.

Look deep into resumes and see where you fit best before trying out. Doing a little of one and the other may also help break the monotony of headphones over your head for hours. So write a little, transcribe a little, market and pen articles. It’s not wrong to combine several types of work.

How to receive payments

Payments are done digitally through PayPal, Skrill or Western Union. But once you’ve an email that holds these monies for you. You can get in touch with your Bank. In Kenya the best Bank is Equity. In no time one feels the liquid cash slide in hands.

As you keep at it, establishing your niche as an online worker in an area of specialization will be no big deal.

Conclusion

Don’t let past gains go down the drain due to job loss. Carry established work ethic into a new pipeline, work online and earn an income sufficient to meet you daily needs. Keep your skills in demand and pursue opportunities with renewed zeal.

Selling and exposing your mettle on platforms like Twitter Facebook and social media outlets is a plus.

Only God could have opened such a world stage to demonstrate our abilities. When you cried for a job and found none in your tarmacking spheres, He created the market space, use it to bid, negotiate for business deals and sell your own products.

8 Benefits of Owning a Blog  

159230216

Blogging

It’s said 150 million blogs exist out there. In more than two decades back nothing like that existed.

So everyone is blogging or posting on blogs. What’s the craze about? Naysayers and pessimists still don’t get it.

Blogs carry thoughts, ideas, opinions, feeling, even promises and freebies.

They’re spaces for the active word; even activists are lashing out on their site blogs. They want to get noticed or where to pitch their demands. It’s an attention seeking space full of content, a hub for content matter.

Blogging is as relevant as this morning and every page of a blog post fresh as the morning dew. Blogging has emerged as a tool for marketing strategist that cannot be ignored. You need buyer you must blog. You need readership, you must blog, you need feedback on your products and services, you must blog, and you need to tackle a life solution? blogging will make you a referral point.

So bloggers are everywhere telling you how to start how to maximize, how to drive traffic to your blog and all manner or tips and tidbits on successful blogging.

  1. Positions your Brand

Blogging positions your brand, building trust in what you offer. Google and optimal search engines will not fail to index your content. It goes up for grabs. Google and similar search engines love new and fresh content and will be happy to push you up.

Your SEO will improve.

There are testimonials out there of how blogs worked like magic weapons or marketing channels, shooting up sales to establish a brand name. Visits and clicks to your blog create new leads or generates a new lead, as business records growth.

The effort you put in today can turnaround your business in coming times.

  1. Engages and Builds interaction with you customers

In responding online, you meet clients, consumers and readers. You benefit from valuable feedback which in turn improves delivery of your goods and services. Knowing what your audience wants is invaluable to your business.

62231762

On a blog you are allowed to get up close and personal with your customers. This earns your business newer clients and loyalists; it builds trust in your niche or expertise area.

You cannot compare the number of people who visit a standing website to a blog. As you update everyday and deliver on your promise you gain more visitors. It’s the language of driving up traffic.

  1. Earns you money

While there are no guarantees you’ll live stinking rich from your blog postings, it’s a fact, we have case studies of men and women who made billions from their online presence.

21818

It is profitable.

Whether it’s the juicy or ‘bare all’ details of your daily life like the Kardashians. Life these days, if flaunted and floated in public makes for monetization deals.

There are a lot of topics on how to monetize your blog with Google AdSense, affiliate marketing, sale of your products online, if you care to search. Some blog owners have even sold their blogs for good money and walked away dollars richer!

Many bloggers make a living and earn enough to clear their monthly bills whether part time or as full time work blog mania (need to enter into dictionary) cannot be ignored

You’ve got to try it first, for you never know unless you’ve tried.

  1. Refines your Writing Skills

Writing sometimes starts off as a hobby. That one thing you keep harping on and about may turn out to be your breakthrough moment. A blog offers a writer, constant practice. A practice portal, you refine and hone your writing skills in the eyes of your audience.

The one advice given to every dreaming writer is, write write write. A blog becomes the best place to master your craft. Who knows this might just be the way you meet a publisher!

  1. Expands your horizon and limitations

Networks are food to your business’s soul. The wider the networks, the greater your catch and influence. As readers come to your site comment pass on links and make referral you’ll in no time balloon engaging and maintaining relationships while building synergies for your work or business. You will grow no doubt

  1. Highlight your expertise and authority

“What’s Novocaine?” Is it a new drug like cocaine? A colleague asked

“I don’t know. Never heard of the word”

“Mmh…

“Why not try google?”

And voila! You have your answer. It would feel to be the go to guy in matters related to your field of work

Online presence gives you credibility as an authority in your area or field of study and expertise. You can put up your credentials, and go ahead to offer answers and solutions to questions posed or professional advice sought.

Help others as you help yourself.

  1. Hidden benefits

172877816

Unbeknown to many, a blog works well for personal growth, expression and indulgence in your chosen passion. You might just get noticed and hired!

Like a selfie, blogging is the art of self-expression; the blogs are a memorial site for personal issues. It’s your free space for all of your imaginations and passion retreats. The stronger your presence online or influence the more sought after.

Create that opportunity for yourself. It could change your life.

  1. Social media can’t be trashed.

It’s a growing tentacle, your blog posts shared on Twitter Facebook Instagram, Pinterest and the like will have a far reaching impact, drawing in more business and clients for you. It’s obvious that you would have nothing to share on these platforms unless you are creating blog posts elsewhere and sharing them via this traffic tools.

178868059

The hours spent online by adults and youth are immense and intense, you’ll be surprised. People looking for information or particular product of thought lines need to find you when they browse the internet. So hop onto the bus.

You have heard of SEO, it’s all about being at the top, how awesome to have your blog ready at first search.

Conclusion

Like social influencers, blogging has become a tool to influence choices and decisions online. A blog can market you effectively and grow your net worth.

With a myriad easy to do blogging platforms like Bloggers and WordPress.com you don’t need to sweat the stuff or be techy.

Get off the fence and get blogging. All the time and effort you’ll put in will be worth it, in the end. It works as a powerful tool for visibility, driving sales up and growth. Your subscribers will love you for being there for them.

There can’t be enough high praise for blogging as part of your hip bone.

Try it!

7 Reasons why Ebooks are booming

221535496

Books!

Books I love. I enjoy reading and read all manner of books. Books make you travel the world from your couch.

Nothing beats the crisp feel of pages ruffling through your fingers. How about the fresh bookshop smell of hard covered books? It never leaves your nose for the longest time as you flip through the pages. Once in a while you even lick fingers turning the next page, and ears tuned to the shish shish sounds of pages rubbing each other.

The literal sight of your growing bookshelf can pump up adrenaline for more acquisitions as you build your personal library. While this is a timeless indulgence not comparable to eBooks, no one is trashing the age and arrival of technology.

E-Book also called electronic book is the equivalent of the digital print of a book. The e-readers are here and have increased readership.

When Project Gutenberg kicked off the digitization of text in 1971, they had no inkling how viral it would trend years to come. The sole purpose or intention was for storage and retrieving material in future searches.

But as things stand ebooks are trending.

While the backstory of ebooks and e-readers occurred at an earlier date, the current explosion of online books cannot be ignored. The traditional book is getting endangered as the electronic book takes off by storm.

The books come downloadable on reading devices with a screen. Complete with pictures images and other illustrations.

220969216

It’s estimated each month, 3000000 books are downloaded. That’s a figure to get our ears pricked. Online presence is the new go to bookstore.

As newer software and hardware for reading digital print is released and increased in the market, some of these reading gadgets have become portable and one can read anywhere without the strain of carrying weight around.

On the flip side, a lot of negative vibe and rant is being thrown about how ebooks are prone to plagiarism and fleece writers.

Brace yourself, the ebook boom is inevitable as more and more people read on their various devices.

So why will Ebooks boom?

  1. Unlimited Downloads

They are so easy to acquire, in one click to a link you can start reading. You don’t need to take a ride into town on a bus and line up at the bookstore. You can download them on your phone sitting on a loo.😆

They maybe acquired through a library card, onto a laptop or PC and read offline anywhere, on a flight or in a bus ride.

213024097

Expanded territory means you can download from work, home or anywhere with internet connection.

  1. Availability

While you desire a new paperback, it may easily run out of print. Not so with ebooks. Ebooks save on time and can be acquired from as many varied online stores. You can make real time purchases from the comfort of your favorite backrest seat. And read on your bed deep into the night with lights off.

  1. Affordability

Because of skirting the traditional printing costs, ebooks come cheap and affordable. Ebooks are pocket friendly even for students, delivery costs have been cut out. No shipping expenses in your purchase purse. Some even come free!

  1. Sharing and Storage

The Ebooks can move from one device to the next without loss like in the natural. Hardcover books have been lost for good when lent out. In the ebook world, you still retain your copy even when shared out. The unique packaging makes it easy for sharing and storage, unlike the hard bound covered books demanding stacks of wooden shelves. You won’t have to deal with dog eared pages as you read the book over and over.

Ebooks have become an information boom. They’re a great asset for researchers, marketers, bloggers, travelers, small and big businesses, students and readers of both fiction or non- fiction.

  1. Easy to Cart around

Some devices are pocket size; you can save as many as a 500 books on a CD and move a million miles!  It’s a portable library at your disposal. Whether at a remote location in a village in Africa or huge New York Metropolitan, you can read your ebook. Clearly they are defining the world’s reading culture.

  1. Enjoy both worlds

If you still miss the crisp feel of papers in your hands you can still go ahead and have it printed for you. Dual benefits, isn’t it?

  1. Going Green

219148738.jpg

I often receive emails with a bottom request not to print unless necessary. With ebooks we are in fact going green and saving our trees and forests, in a world where climate change is a deathly topic, the book is on.

Conclusion

Ebooks are the new smart ‘in’ vogue thing. Do not be left behind whining on the frivolity of reduced readership of hard covered books. Or lack of due recognition to writers, indeed writers are earning royalties from books downloaded.

Ebooks are fun as you can expand text, scroll highlight paragraphs. They come in all manner of information, data, subjects and categories. They include subjects on self-improvement to DIY topics.

157842116

If you are looking for specific statistic or information, it’s at the touch of a button. Which academic or learner or anyone who enjoys reading can resist such magic?

Ebooks are defining how the world reads and accesses information.

Materials in ebooks can be updated as time lapses, so that you have the latest handy information. But we all can’t ignore the fact gadgets run on batteries which could just as well conk out midstream your favourite read.

While we wish that printed books do not become obsolete, ignoring and trashing the ebooks maybe to your loss.

167930228

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 Dreads growing breasts in Africa

 

72108202

 

1.Male Bullies

Coming to maturity, breast talk hummed an unwelcome topic.

Exposed boobs in the 80’s and 90’s were a double ‘No,No.’

And the appearance of the annoying double growths, a triple ‘No No No.’

As an 11 year old, the thought of waking up to find hard funnels stuck on my chest traumatized me. And as little girls growing up, the possibility of having our chests expand into two pointed peaks was a daily dread.

We wanted to grow up but not grow breasts.

The forward falling peaks attracted bullies of the male kind.

We watched in tyrannized shock as big boys in our classrooms, timed unguarded moments to lunge at the unsuspecting girls.

Numerous times my eyes caught boys pinch and twist the pointed peaks. And the girl languished and winced in subdued humiliation!

The boys took off in triumphant giggles and chortles.

To me, it wasn’t’ just a ‘dare me’ venture pinch but an undeniable violation of bodily intergrity.

Not funny.

169007690

Demeaning violence!

Two years later the painful eruption of boil like, blobby tits, hit like white live electric fire. The two spots had to be protected by all means necessary from bully boys.

I hid the interfering globe pop -ups like precious gold. Away from prying eyes and pinching nails.

I hid under big baggy sweaters and under tight shirt school uniforms we found a way to flatten the stubborn things.

I’d seek to tie flat clothe ropes across the chests to press them in, hahaha just so they looked flat.

Aah! at last freedom from sexual predators!

But did you know this monster fear of male bullies has led to parents, especially mothers taking drastic action against their daughters?

Using crude and violent instruments, they crush pulp and pound the young girls’ emerging boob tissues. Practically ironing chests to flatten bulging boobies in the name if sexual protectionism!

Alas! Another violation.

2.Braphobia

44317780

Bras were a No No.

Those two faced cups worked as breast enhancers revealing our contours, ridges and lumpy heaving mounds.

The cupped funnels belonged to old women. Our mothers. I wanted no association with the extra clothes on the chest. It’d fluff out and everyone would know my secrets.

73925269.jpg

Hear things about bras!

Bras cause skin cancer,don’t sleep in them, wash them everday,don’t wear black ones, oh don’t stuff them into the wired bra…

New braphobia!

So we did what they advocate for now. Bras signalled entry into the forbidden world of women sex and maturity. Big boobs were connected to sex, so the bigger, the more sex you were having.

Who wanted a scandalous sex history by just looking at the chest?

Bras were dreaded like that but let me inform young girls of today bras do not contribute to boobs sagging early in life, nor will a bully’s touch of your chest enhance its size!

Alarm!

3. Public Parades

198283831

And so we have African cultures that delight in boob parades in name of celebrating culture. Thousands of adult make eyes fill up stadiums to leer at little underage girls, ogling at the shining fistful thrusts of nascent boobs.

SMH!

Gross abuse! In the name of culture.

In the same vein, men do not select a day to come and display the sizes of their pe….. for all and sundry to make comments and finally offer a ‘pick me up’ for best show display.

If this is not sanctioned subtle porno then what do we call it?

It doesn’t look nor feel right. Even the King of Swaziland needs attempt parading his own daughter and see another man walk off with her.Then he’ll know its a weighty matter.

When you’re born a girl in such cultures, it’s a dreadful day to be dreaded.

When you hear comments go on around you:

“This too small.” Haha

“To flat.” Yuuuck.

“These long types are in love with the force of gravity.” Hehe

“Saggy ” spit.

And on and on snide remarks are thrown about.The verball troll ruins a girl’s self esteem and stays with them a lifetime because the whole word has seen what you’ve got.

I see powerlessness. I see sexual and emotional abuse by the powerful.

These impressionable girls have it rough when the body or boobies is all it takes to live in a palace!

Nobody feels very much confident when naked and exposed. You are always trying to hide things. The imperfections.

How much more when you’re passed over in the name of boobies?

It beats logic when semi nude public parades are made in the name of ‘honoring girls’ and in the same breathe with wanton abandon, a father figure, a leader of his own people pulls out one nubile virgin to ravish her virginity !

With public outcry or protest and wihout her consent!!!

A girl just halfway through her education, dreams and desires to have it all thwarted like that?

Arrgh! Makes me so angry!!

200405656

Truth be told. Every time you look at boobs you can’t help forming an opinion about them. It’s either negative or positive.

Times change have changed and culture has never been static.

Let’s not reduce the head of a nation to a sex purveyor of pervert.And steer our daughters away from being fronted as sex objects. No matter they say.

79204948

While breastfeeding doesn’t fall in a public parade discomfiure. Common decency demands you cover up the private parts of your body when in public. Boobs included.

Spare the girls these male games of perversion.

194052868.jpg

Why should I be forced to parade for your opinion on my boobs?

4. Breast Scarification

72108046

Beauty is measured in various ways and means.

Boobs clearly formed a part of an African African woman’s beauty benchmark and yardstick.

No wonder many societies opted for a topless existence for their women.That way she’d get measured and mentioned for her beauty. And her family or husband benefitted from family praise.

In our communities a saying goes.

“Beauty comes at a cost of pain.”

Whether piercing ears with long dry acacia thorns. Undergoing the traumatizing FGM or knocking out 6 of your lower canine teeth!

The pain as real as touching of your skin.

72107914

Scarring skin was a form of beauty application.

Women ‘Lacerators’ waited for the arrival of  your boobs with ululation.

Using razor thorns, razor, lye, salt and sharp objects they made incisions and tattooed round the delicate skin and most sensitive of breast skin.

Blood rushed out, dripped and fell on the ground.

72107776

The pubescent lay motionless,pain pressed into the ground by the older stronger.

Don’t be fooled by the ‘love’ for cultutre and preservation. In those moments of agony, small girls kicked, screamed yelled, farted, pooped to still the pain

And some girls died.

And some died today.

Who came up with such crazy pain?

9 Reasons Kenyan Women are marrying white men.

7120505

Every time I see and a black and white couple, my brains and smile brim. It spreads out wide, it’s so infectitious.

I clear my throat in satisfaction if not to slight the discerning faces in the crowd.

A blogger recently lashed at the Kenyan girls seeking these types.While that went awry, I beg to defend the knack of Kenyan girls seeking to decamp marrying at home.

Reasons are compelling enough.

Those two are a cup of Coffee and Milk. They make a good drink and deserve to be at the table.

166159931

No matter what the world regards their pitch, the two are risk takers.Their actions mocks a society of demarcations.

They tread the untrodden,they are brave spirits they defy borders and the organized conventionalities.

Free spirits, entrepreneutial romantics rising above social predicaments, dimensions and prejudices.

Hybrid makers who’ve considered the consequences of degenerative inbreeding’s defects.

No one knows better about selective breeding other than women.Women think and envision the type of sons and daughters they want to bear.

Mothers in the village have been known to partake of clandestine activities to beget strong well muscled breeds into their homes.

But then I digress.

I am on about, why our coffee girls opt for a pot of milk.

1. The Scales of Justice

13407083.jpg

In the event the marriage has no lifespan, the scales of favour are still tilted in favour of the girl. She doesn’t have to bear the brutality of our African sense of communal injustice.

She won’t be forced into an inherited wife or chased out of her home like a pig with no rights, even animals have rights, except African wives .

In the coffee and milk construction, things are done at 50/50.

Even when things sour, a man still carries responsibility to his ex and to children of the union. Isn’t that assuring? And humane? And so…

In my silent observationof such couples, it’s a pick me up after multiple broken ones from our home boys. The new hubby takes in, the other deadbeat guy’s children to raise as his own.

If more of our mistreated women got a fair deal, away from losing property to gluttonous relatives, thrown out on the streets or parenting singly while irresponsible men rave nights.

If the women were to receive half as much support as our sister’s across the seas, wouldn’t we get rid of street children? I believe if a mother has food and room, the children won’t be found on the streets.

If choices have consequences would you cut off your children and self from an inheritance?

Women who make this choice have done much soul searching and many a soliloquy.

2. In- Laws

115806728

In Africa we don’t get married to that young man you met at a movie, mall restaurant, church or university classroom.

He comes as a package.

Full of in-laws as family.They come in dozens of double dozens.You must know each by name or be accused of disrespect and disregard of family.

Woe unto you if the man’s father has 4 to 6 wives.You are married to a clan.

They own you.

In your city bedsitter of a house, they arrive in the daytime and midnight hours. Strolling home into your home.

Piled high in the heating room. Smells of body sweat and consuming snores of the night.

You lost privacy. Lost control. The clan owns you now.

They sleep in the kitchen. Corridor floors and bedroom floors.The carpet makes good bedding too.

They dictate meals you should cook them and which parts or amounts to serve your in-laws first.

You huff and puff daily to please the clan and not your man. He measures you by how his mother approves of your walking style and clothes or his father and uncles, your cooking.

It’s hard measuring up to a raft of yardsticks. It therefore comes as a wonderful break to meet a milkman who lives by his solo rules. Much more so if they live out their dream in Africa. You’ll just be two most of the time, isn’t that something to give a girl peace for decades?

3. The Kitchen is ours

193258477

In the lands of milkmen there is no room for gender partitions in the family house like we do.

Our examples abound:

“You shouldn’t sit and surf channels before the man eats.”

“The man will be cursed if he steps in the kitchen or washes dishes.” Some men are stopped from carrying their own newborns and infant babies. Its taboo.Whooah! Woman thingy. Absurd, yeah.

An abomination it is. His mother shakes her head.

We are all human, we fall sick, feel exhausted, have hard days at work. Or just not in the mood.

Won’t it be pleasant to walk in and find cleaned kids and steaming supper? Even if judt once?

Your hubby donned in an apron, all welcome and smiley, will make your mother cksp over her mouth with a shriek.

It’s the second most attractive thing to our girls on this coffee and milk hunt of romance.

4. Polygamy

214499773

If you overhear a potbellied man in laughing shoes strut around his dusty home, boasting to his three wives that he’s bringing in a new young wife, it’s time to flee.

It’s not a good life, even if a man boasts of his stamina to satisfy his wives. It’s a fat lie, other men watch him bring for us and lie in wait. And daily do him favours.

It’s the most risky and vulnerable lifestyle. Don’t fall for it. It will cause you trouble, stress and at risk of turning ungodly to survive lonely nights like a widow yet you are married. No No No don’t go there.

Being paraded in public by number as if you have no name is less of what girls aspire to.

“This is the 4th one.”

“I wish I was 1st.”

“If only I had not welcomed 2nd one, once I did the 3rd came easy.”

Wouldn’t  be good to feel first and only for the time you have your him? It’s illegal in his country. They’re accused of being weak in opting for monogamy.

Well it’s good to handle one at a time.The meat is choice and not piecemeal.The first most attractive thing to a woman.

Which girl enjoys live competition on her dining table?

Let our girls choose the milkmen. It’s their choice.The feeling of being chosen raises esteem and confidence.

Go girls. Your are your true selves.

5.Thoughtfulness

158138336

Those little cheery things, go direct to a woman’s heart. But don’t come easy with our brothers, man.

Too  engrossed in achieving the ‘man things’ they’ve no time to remember your birthday, or your anniversary-if you had any.

Most girls enter marriage through an arrangement of sorts. ‘Sold’ in tragedy of poverty, or folly of an unexpected pregnancy.They feel trapped. Both the man and woman trapped in the beginnings of a lifetime. What will be?

 

176586304.jpg4684721382219

Our brothers refuse to be programmed into the cult of sweet scented flowers, tapping and clinking glasses of wine, the appeal in  perfumes, the lure of an evening alone, of whispered sweet nothings in the ear.

Topped with mornings of chocolate, above the fridge or lovenotes under the pillow. Our bruh will titter at these things as child play. If caught at it, he’ll be spanked by fellow village men.

In the age of soaps, girls are watching how it’s done and dreaming the moments come into their lives one day.

Women in love relationships feel the same all over the world. And when a harassed girl experiences this from milkmen, who have grown in chocolate and perfume culture, it’s hard to resist going after Masters of Romance.

6. Recreation is a basic right

187080589

In the world of milkmen what we consider the reach of few is a basic right and need.Who trained us?

A girl’s soul like other souls needs refreshing.While many wonder and have no notion of the worth of a holiday, a girl gets a kick.

How could you leave your home?And for months say even upto a year go away on holiday?

But milkmen consider it a requisite.

Wouldn’t you feel and enjoy being spoilt? For once? For a while?

Imagine being cooked for, carried about in the arms of your man? Fussed over by well spoken waiters in a high end secret place? In the name of holidaying?

I want I want.

It’s this type thing that makes marriage to milkmen irresistible, doesn’t matter he be a jackass. You matter in the moment. No room for thankless 24/7  toil till you drop dead.

7. Escape from Domestic Violence

Who doesn’t know our mothers and girls bear the brunt of violence in homes this part of the world.

Violence is served like a meal. It’s consistent with our lifestyles. The young ruddy cheeks of girls are ever padded with cruelty.

Girls grow up seeing mother’s liveout their lives in fear.They are told it’s okay.It’s how our men demonstrate love.

Really?

It’s part of marriage orientation.

Really?

It’s okay don’t cry.It’s our lot

Are you for real?

This violence is like a disease debilitating.Emotinally crippling and immersed in cultural hysteria.

Do you expect a girl to have no other ambition? But marry in her backyard and beget the same canning her mother traumatized in?

How much more her ambition when she heard that in the land of milkmen, the verythought of planning to turn your wife’s flesh into a punching will earn you anger management classes.

The horrid details of violence meted out will earn you time in jail. And the cry anguish from your house will send neighbours scrambling for their phone’s to call 911 on you.

If you come from a violent riddled background, you’ll declare “change is as good as a rest.” And run into the arms of your new milkman love.

We have heard of boyfriends slapping girls who didn’t stop to return a man’s greeting.

It’s a crime and there is course for recourse.

Marrying her milkman is a rejection of virulent toxic relationship.Give the girl a break.

I’d grab a lifeline too.

8. Hardship

183218734

Hellish life we live is endless.

51024994.jpg76687169.jpg9354071987612452.jpg

From morning till high sun noon you’re out in risky forests searching for firewood, water, if lucky pumping a dry well for hours and yield.

The distances are no less than marathon lanes.Over the hills and down the slopes.

The sun bears hard on your head and falls on the brown ground.Scorching everything that holds soil together.

Must your eyes and life be confined to these Savannah vegetation?

We have heard of snow and igloos.

How about opening your mind that browned grounds, dusty feet and rounded mud thatched huts are not the only designs to  watch.

Let all explore, the whole earth. Afterall it belongs to the LORD and all who dwell in it.

9. Older Men

6785351

Its the natural thing. From time immemorial women married the older man. Try being a cougar!

Older men talk serious and our boy agemates rate poorly like toddlers against the older man.

A 20 year old girl and 20 year old boy don’t think the same.The girl can easily run her home, not the boy.

Truth because marriage is full of baggage, why not sit down with one who’s handled baggage before.

Old being gold, they’re wiser, less of drama and homemaker readiness.

10 Things African African mothers don’t talk about with their daughters.

5955159

Growing up in an African African home, taboo subjects were never broached.

In later years to come, we lived and pulled through by default and discovery.3895328

The rule of unspokenness reigned in household conversations. You learnt key family rudimentaries by observation, shouting, yelling and the occassional hiding on your butt. But never that small talk on growing up, becoming a woman and the changes that awaited you.

In other families, you suffered a traumatizing physical ambush by huge adult hands ripping and slicing off pieces of your private flesh for reasons you could not comprehend other than hate for you or your womanhood.

“You’ re now a woman”

That echo fizzled out, as nasty itchy bleeding wounds ravaged your inner cores. Horrid invasion.

And there were things that remained unspoken till you died.

1. Periods

Nobody prepared you for this, until the day catastrophe happened. A time you suffered the extremity of shock from soiling yourself, only to be met with daggers from your mother.

“Now you are a woman. No boys. No pregnancies in this home.”

After this first bleed, some mothers never followed up. After six months have gone by, she’ll remember to come to you and ask, expressionless. “Have they come again?”

“Who?”

“I mean…”

For an ill prepared 12 year old, you cannot begin to imagine the mental agony combined with everlasting period cramps, a piece of sodden rag thrust between legs, mulling over pregnancy.

126077777

Mothers failed terribly in preparedness of their daughters’ milestone. I see some still cringe and walk out of the Tv room everytime the ‘Always’ advert comes on.

Mothers needed to find a silent twosome moment, sit down over a cup of tea and an unwrapped sanitary packet on the table, bed, floor wherever.

At this point mothers ought to go over finer details of period processes, procedures and proceeds. Period.

Talk about virginity, talk about hormones, talk about sex, talk about baby entry and outlet routes, talk about cramps, talk about hygiene, tell them blood smells awful, they must be clean, even use alittle perfume. Tell them it will last until menopause.Talk talk, talk… offer remedies and solutions to all their questions. Prepare your daughter like you prepare for a wedding.

And always end.

“It’s a good blessed sign, of womanhood.”

On the first day of her period, celebrate it with cake, like a birthday. You don’t know what a confident, with high esteem girl, you’ll have churned out.

Nothing new, nothing too difficult for her to tackle.

The lesson must of course be topped by a practical activity.

Demonstrate with coloured liquid, allow the girl/s to put on a pad the whole day and give feedback. It can be done as early as 5 or 6 years. Talk about it as normal conversation, demystify all myths around it. You’re your daughter’s first teacher. Dont hand her to ‘others.’

Never miss the opportunity to bond in your private classroom.

2. ‘Crushes’ and Heartbreak

Like all things swept under carpet. Sorry no carpets here, Mother’s never talked about feelings. How to feel.What they felt nor prepared you for incoming feelings like serious ‘Crush.’

145953185

 

That these feeling would come in like a crash flood and torpedo you into a world of solo bliss because your crush has no idea nor interest in you or has a crush elsewhere.

77889206

152511560

So teen girls grew up in a love grief that happens to teens as early as 11 to 19 year olds. They dwelt in feelings of  rejection, hating their pimply faces, and later sucked into  lifetime of bleaching creams to attract the opposite sex.

All for one missed lesson: That a crush is not sustainable love. It’s a solo period to manage intense feelings positively. And that it’s a normal phase of teen growing.You don’t need to write letters, to your crush promising marriage or suicidal notes. It remains a crash like a car crash.You can survive or be damaged from impact.

171810386

Just remind them “It will pass and you’ll find true love that recognises your worth.”

A lot of hugs are needed during this period. Insist on being her best friend. One she can pour upon all emotions she’s going through.

Buy her a diary, encourage her to write her feelings down. Talk in the third person, if you find love notes in her books. Tell her your story of first crush and finally finding a wonderful man her father.

Ignore Africa’s ways when it comes to this point.Where women don’t feel or experience sexual or romantic emotions. It’s the whole purpose of FGM, women are barred to feel, to say it, to look it or act it. It’s wrong to feel or you’ll be branded a whore.

204676087

And if you keep this up you’ll save many of our girls from teen pregnancies because they’re ignorant of ongoing changes and feelings.

In such emotional blackouts they’ve been found by older men who took advantage of the confusing stage.

3. He beats Me

Domestic Violence entrenched in culture is not subject to discussion even among the women adults. How then would a mother have such conversation with her younger daughters.

“How do I tell my children, “your father beats me?”

5170591207451642

In most customs.Wife beating is a necessity, otherwise it’s construed you’ve no love for your wife.

If no beating has come six months into marriage, the wife is asked to act irrational and provoke her husband, to beget her entitlement. A severe beating. SMH, at the ways of our people.

160188518

Women don’t cry, they don’t ask for help, they bear the humiliating pain like dolls on a couch. They don’t talk with their daughters about it. It’d sound alarmist and a fore warning. A woman weakness.

So girls get off to marriage and encounter violence untold.

 

23205398-1

A startled young bride wakes up next to bloodshot smouldering eyes in the place of one time lovey dovey doey eyes begging for love. Her fate sealed in a threat and violence filled home and she has no escape. She can only whisper

“Indeed he’s changed.”

125735033

Shamed to talk about it to friends or alarm their mothers, they don’t tell. Not knowing she’s been there.

6244677

Find Help. Call HAK toll free number 1195.

4. Sex and HIV

For most African African mothers sex is strictly for procreation. No hanky penny business or fun games.

That makes sex a ‘no go to’ topic when talking with daughters. Lest one be accused of “ruining” her own children before time. This attitude effectively deals all topics around sex and it’s sisters HIV and AIDS. Close and Shut case.

860309

Sex and “I love you” are the same.

Sex and marriage are the same.

Sex and a woman are the same.

Sex and a man are the same.

20611100

So no one talks about Sex and HIV and AIDS. It’s a reserve for ‘others’ but not your own.

And the privacy of sex and silence of HIV has decimated millions of young girls and families.Talk about it. Make an informed choice. Don’t be bullied into marriage with an infected partner unless it’s your choice.

Make HIV Testing paramount to save lives.

5. Contraceptives

206523673

Good mothers don’t mention contraceptives to their daughters. That’s wanton.

“You cannot kill your children before you have them.”

“You may never have kids.”

“Have all your children when you are married, as many as the womb and God will let you.”

A mother wouldn’t seek to be accused of killing her unborn grandchildren before they come to pass and so this topic stops dead in her house. It’s left to you to figure out how you navigate that dilemma. You are alone!

 

185032474

Choices have consequences. Make the wisest each time.

6. Dating

199986073201954853

Nothing like dating exists in the vocabulary of an African African mother. It’s a misdemeanour in her household. It shouldn’t be there. It shouldn’t happen.You don’t date. It’s not a serious word for serious people. It’s a word by jokers to have sex with you, to waste your youthful beauty.

To be damaged goods. Goods once sold. To be an expiry date. Spilt Milk.

Don’t accept it, because she won’t.

You’ll tell  her you’re dating the day you bring along a serious man for a fiance to negotiate dowry or marriage. Period.

7. Money

187010872

Mother’s won’t tell you how to best use your money.They are not sure you’ll have and keep it for yourself.

She won’t tell you, father asks, takes and borrows her money without returning it, so that when it happens to you, you won’t say “No.”

She’ll most likely respond in the following fashion.

“I dont have money even when she earns.”

Even when she earns, she can’t take her children out, nor her friends. It’s papa’s forte to have a good time in life. She doesn’t want to spoil you with the unspeakable. So she won’t discuss things outlandish and unfamiliar in her world.

“It’s the cause of our family woes.”

Chart your own course when you get there.

You deserve a little happiness and pampering before you expire.

8. You are not Priority

It’s assumed and expected, the woman knows her place.You’ll learn from your mother, the family pace and place for you.

You’ll toil and fend for your family like a single mother yet you are married.

77620811161318396178891516

You’ll be lucky if you land in a good home, with well mannered relatives and plenty of food. Even then you rank fourth after your husband, children and relatives.

You’ll serve them first to their fill and nourishment or face taunting for being a poorly mother.

216061030

And still eat the leftover crumbs.

187828807

Most of your meals will  compose of baby slurp. Licking clean baby’s bowls and sucking on left over bones. And be content to protect your own like mother hen.

207597304

So treat yourself well at all times.

9. Pregnancy

6147275

The most waited time in a new bride’s home. But what mother never said is that, it might turn out your worst nightmare.

With moodiness ranking high, overnight, your husband looks like an Orang Utang and you don’t want to share the bed you received as a prize to keep your matrimonial bed burning with love.

You smell everything from his bad breath to the help’s new lotion.It all stinks.

You crave beer in the middle of the night yet married to a pastor and it’s Sunday.

You throw up your favorite omelet spiced in tomato and onions.

You feel so sick, you’ll die any minute.

Haggard and thinned. You hate your day and body, refusing to eat. No joyous moments. No one prepared you. Mother knew, it’s your anointed and allocated encounter with life. Don’t blame her she got through, so will you.

She never told you desire for sex will dimish or triple. And after birth completely lose interest in sex.

Just before you push, you’ll make bizarre demands. Demanding he rubs your back or stays away for good. You’ll ask for diesel soaked cloth to sniff on the whole night, or a ripe coconut when you live on the mainland.

It’s an all picky season.We get angry irritable or laugh at a fly perched on his nose.

Take it easy.

10. Menopause

This one is the least of never mentioned subjects. You’ll tackle it in the end even though you know nothing of it.

79919953908762

You’ll bleed like a cow in a slaughter house.You’ll use linen rags cotton wool and pads will be playthings.They can’t soak up all that blood.

You’ll have headaches and bloated belly even if you are fasting.

Invest in plenty of exercise and quiet moments because you’ll be so irritable no one can stand you.

Kudos to our Mothers.They survived why not you. But your daughter’s will have it easy.