Every time I see and a black and white couple, my brains and smile brim. It spreads out wide, it’s so infectitious.
I clear my throat in satisfaction if not to slight the discerning faces in the crowd.
A blogger recently lashed at the Kenyan girls seeking these types.While that went awry, I beg to defend the knack of Kenyan girls seeking to decamp marrying at home.
Reasons are compelling enough.
Those two are a cup of Coffee and Milk. They make a good drink and deserve to be at the table.
No matter what the world regards their pitch, the two are risk takers.Their actions mocks a society of demarcations.
They tread the untrodden,they are brave spirits they defy borders and the organized conventionalities.
Free spirits, entrepreneutial romantics rising above social predicaments, dimensions and prejudices.
Hybrid makers who’ve considered the consequences of degenerative inbreeding’s defects.
No one knows better about selective breeding other than women.Women think and envision the type of sons and daughters they want to bear.
Mothers in the village have been known to partake of clandestine activities to beget strong well muscled breeds into their homes.
But then I digress.
I am on about, why our coffee girls opt for a pot of milk.
1. The Scales of Justice
In the event the marriage has no lifespan, the scales of favour are still tilted in favour of the girl. She doesn’t have to bear the brutality of our African sense of communal injustice.
She won’t be forced into an inherited wife or chased out of her home like a pig with no rights, even animals have rights, except African wives .
In the coffee and milk construction, things are done at 50/50.
Even when things sour, a man still carries responsibility to his ex and to children of the union. Isn’t that assuring? And humane? And so…
In my silent observationof such couples, it’s a pick me up after multiple broken ones from our home boys. The new hubby takes in, the other deadbeat guy’s children to raise as his own.
If more of our mistreated women got a fair deal, away from losing property to gluttonous relatives, thrown out on the streets or parenting singly while irresponsible men rave nights.
If the women were to receive half as much support as our sister’s across the seas, wouldn’t we get rid of street children? I believe if a mother has food and room, the children won’t be found on the streets.
If choices have consequences would you cut off your children and self from an inheritance?
Women who make this choice have done much soul searching and many a soliloquy.
2. In- Laws
In Africa we don’t get married to that young man you met at a movie, mall restaurant, church or university classroom.
He comes as a package.
Full of in-laws as family.They come in dozens of double dozens.You must know each by name or be accused of disrespect and disregard of family.
Woe unto you if the man’s father has 4 to 6 wives.You are married to a clan.
They own you.
In your city bedsitter of a house, they arrive in the daytime and midnight hours. Strolling home into your home.
Piled high in the heating room. Smells of body sweat and consuming snores of the night.
You lost privacy. Lost control. The clan owns you now.
They sleep in the kitchen. Corridor floors and bedroom floors.The carpet makes good bedding too.
They dictate meals you should cook them and which parts or amounts to serve your in-laws first.
You huff and puff daily to please the clan and not your man. He measures you by how his mother approves of your walking style and clothes or his father and uncles, your cooking.
It’s hard measuring up to a raft of yardsticks. It therefore comes as a wonderful break to meet a milkman who lives by his solo rules. Much more so if they live out their dream in Africa. You’ll just be two most of the time, isn’t that something to give a girl peace for decades?
3. The Kitchen is ours
In the lands of milkmen there is no room for gender partitions in the family house like we do.
Our examples abound:
“You shouldn’t sit and surf channels before the man eats.”
“The man will be cursed if he steps in the kitchen or washes dishes.” Some men are stopped from carrying their own newborns and infant babies. Its taboo.Whooah! Woman thingy. Absurd, yeah.
An abomination it is. His mother shakes her head.
We are all human, we fall sick, feel exhausted, have hard days at work. Or just not in the mood.
Won’t it be pleasant to walk in and find cleaned kids and steaming supper? Even if judt once?
Your hubby donned in an apron, all welcome and smiley, will make your mother cksp over her mouth with a shriek.
It’s the second most attractive thing to our girls on this coffee and milk hunt of romance.
If you overhear a potbellied man in laughing shoes strut around his dusty home, boasting to his three wives that he’s bringing in a new young wife, it’s time to flee.
It’s not a good life, even if a man boasts of his stamina to satisfy his wives. It’s a fat lie, other men watch him bring for us and lie in wait. And daily do him favours.
It’s the most risky and vulnerable lifestyle. Don’t fall for it. It will cause you trouble, stress and at risk of turning ungodly to survive lonely nights like a widow yet you are married. No No No don’t go there.
Being paraded in public by number as if you have no name is less of what girls aspire to.
“This is the 4th one.”
“I wish I was 1st.”
“If only I had not welcomed 2nd one, once I did the 3rd came easy.”
Wouldn’t be good to feel first and only for the time you have your him? It’s illegal in his country. They’re accused of being weak in opting for monogamy.
Well it’s good to handle one at a time.The meat is choice and not piecemeal.The first most attractive thing to a woman.
Which girl enjoys live competition on her dining table?
Let our girls choose the milkmen. It’s their choice.The feeling of being chosen raises esteem and confidence.
Go girls. Your are your true selves.
Those little cheery things, go direct to a woman’s heart. But don’t come easy with our brothers, man.
Too engrossed in achieving the ‘man things’ they’ve no time to remember your birthday, or your anniversary-if you had any.
Most girls enter marriage through an arrangement of sorts. ‘Sold’ in tragedy of poverty, or folly of an unexpected pregnancy.They feel trapped. Both the man and woman trapped in the beginnings of a lifetime. What will be?
Our brothers refuse to be programmed into the cult of sweet scented flowers, tapping and clinking glasses of wine, the appeal in perfumes, the lure of an evening alone, of whispered sweet nothings in the ear.
Topped with mornings of chocolate, above the fridge or lovenotes under the pillow. Our bruh will titter at these things as child play. If caught at it, he’ll be spanked by fellow village men.
In the age of soaps, girls are watching how it’s done and dreaming the moments come into their lives one day.
Women in love relationships feel the same all over the world. And when a harassed girl experiences this from milkmen, who have grown in chocolate and perfume culture, it’s hard to resist going after Masters of Romance.
6. Recreation is a basic right
In the world of milkmen what we consider the reach of few is a basic right and need.Who trained us?
A girl’s soul like other souls needs refreshing.While many wonder and have no notion of the worth of a holiday, a girl gets a kick.
How could you leave your home?And for months say even upto a year go away on holiday?
But milkmen consider it a requisite.
Wouldn’t you feel and enjoy being spoilt? For once? For a while?
Imagine being cooked for, carried about in the arms of your man? Fussed over by well spoken waiters in a high end secret place? In the name of holidaying?
I want I want.
It’s this type thing that makes marriage to milkmen irresistible, doesn’t matter he be a jackass. You matter in the moment. No room for thankless 24/7 toil till you drop dead.
7. Escape from Domestic Violence
Who doesn’t know our mothers and girls bear the brunt of violence in homes this part of the world.
Violence is served like a meal. It’s consistent with our lifestyles. The young ruddy cheeks of girls are ever padded with cruelty.
Girls grow up seeing mother’s liveout their lives in fear.They are told it’s okay.It’s how our men demonstrate love.
It’s part of marriage orientation.
It’s okay don’t cry.It’s our lot
Are you for real?
This violence is like a disease debilitating.Emotinally crippling and immersed in cultural hysteria.
Do you expect a girl to have no other ambition? But marry in her backyard and beget the same canning her mother traumatized in?
How much more her ambition when she heard that in the land of milkmen, the verythought of planning to turn your wife’s flesh into a punching will earn you anger management classes.
The horrid details of violence meted out will earn you time in jail. And the cry anguish from your house will send neighbours scrambling for their phone’s to call 911 on you.
If you come from a violent riddled background, you’ll declare “change is as good as a rest.” And run into the arms of your new milkman love.
We have heard of boyfriends slapping girls who didn’t stop to return a man’s greeting.
It’s a crime and there is course for recourse.
Marrying her milkman is a rejection of virulent toxic relationship.Give the girl a break.
I’d grab a lifeline too.
Hellish life we live is endless.
From morning till high sun noon you’re out in risky forests searching for firewood, water, if lucky pumping a dry well for hours and yield.
The distances are no less than marathon lanes.Over the hills and down the slopes.
The sun bears hard on your head and falls on the brown ground.Scorching everything that holds soil together.
Must your eyes and life be confined to these Savannah vegetation?
We have heard of snow and igloos.
How about opening your mind that browned grounds, dusty feet and rounded mud thatched huts are not the only designs to watch.
Let all explore, the whole earth. Afterall it belongs to the LORD and all who dwell in it.
9. Older Men
Its the natural thing. From time immemorial women married the older man. Try being a cougar!
Older men talk serious and our boy agemates rate poorly like toddlers against the older man.
A 20 year old girl and 20 year old boy don’t think the same.The girl can easily run her home, not the boy.
Truth because marriage is full of baggage, why not sit down with one who’s handled baggage before.
Old being gold, they’re wiser, less of drama and homemaker readiness.